best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
