Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Randomize
