i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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