I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
zippers are such a cool invention
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
