i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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