Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
