You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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