someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize