their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
