No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
