Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
