it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
