we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
