and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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