Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
