My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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