Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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