I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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