My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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