Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
