She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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