I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
