How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
