Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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