I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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