so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
