Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize