We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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