i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alive.
So much puke
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize