If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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