I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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