dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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