I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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