I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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