Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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