I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
