They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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