i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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