I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
