my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
