if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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