do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
