I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
