I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
