My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
