I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
