Are we in a gay sports bar?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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