Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
