there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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