can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
