at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
