Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
