You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
