I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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