Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you will always have a special place in my vag
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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