my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
