Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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