Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
