cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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