By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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