Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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