Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
