There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
