I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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