Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
