just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
