We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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