Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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