listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
