Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
