watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
