The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
