dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
