pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
