next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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