On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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