I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
