Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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