Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
